Update on my painting

This style was adopted in a very odd way from my friend Curtis. He's got an amazing ability to make this sincere and concise line that I envy. It triggered this sort of ground testing in my painting. So the style seems amateurish to me, and kind of child like but it's pushing me to piece together a painting like I would a drawing.

The above is a close up. The below a hazy look at the full piece.

Any thoughts or suggestions?